A little understanding of relationship


My view on family and relationships have improved dramatically since I decided to take a Family Relation class here at Brigham Young University. During this week's learning, we spoke about theories in marriage that could help couples or singles understand the reasons why people behave in a certain way and what good practices could be used to face any of these issues. Marriage is a relationship where two people share everything they have with each other, meaning their strengths and weaknesses. 

In any relationship, whether it is marriage or not, partners have expectations, hope, and a perfect description of how they would like their relationship to be. Sometimes having those expectations about the way, we would like the relationship to be can create conflict. In fact, one of the theories about marriage is the conflict theory. Conflicts happen to any relationships or teams settings and can be considered as part of the Human interaction. In conflict theory, I have learned that one partner will always try to prove the other person wrong. 

Many ways can be used to prove that the other person is wrong. Some of those ways could be by shutting down the ideas of the other partner, using mean and hurtful words during the interaction, and sometimes recalling the mistakes made by the other speaker in the past just to make him/her feel bad. In a conflict situation, it is convenient to point out that most of the time one partner will internalize things without telling the other, and when he/she will not be able to handle it anymore they will pour out their feelings on the other. The best way for me to handle or resolve a conflict would be to recognize that both parties are wrong and from there start to make small plans to change things. 

Another theory that we studied in class was the exchange theory. The main idea of this theory is the expectation of receiving something back whenever we give it to the other person. In the exchange theory marriage is seen as a partnership between two people meaning I do my part and it is your duty to do yours. Contention happens whenever the other partner refuses to do their part to fulfill the partnership. A perfect example to me is the savior Jesus Christ and his atonement. Jesus Christ came on the earth and atoned for our sins to give us access to eternal life in the world to come. To have access to the blessings of his sacrifice we must follow his teachings by remembering his name. If we choose not to follow him his sacrifice and pain would be meaningless. At one point it is our duty to do our best to remember him, but we can choose not to by using our agency. In this theory, I believe that both partners are aware of their duty. Adding to this theory I personally believe that our actions are influenced by the way other people behave or signals we observe in people's behaviors. 

The symbolic interaction theory explains this claim clearly. It is important to mention that those claims could be based on our intuitions and could be wrong. For example, what do most men think when a cute girl is super nice or friendly to them? Let's ask the same question to women, what do most women think when a cute girl is super friendly to them? Our responses may be different but as I guy my first thoughts would be that this girl is interested in me or wants to get to know me better. I believe that many girls will think the same way. Or another example could be how would you explain a kiss during your first date? Once again, the answers could be different, but I believe that many women will think the same way like men. 

The last theory that I have learned was system theory. In the system theory we learned that the whole is greater than a part. The members of the family tend to copy the attitude of the other members in their behavior. An interesting fact about this theory is that we are aware of the way a family member behaves under stress or in other circumstances. Myself for example whenever I do not want to continue a conversation, I used to okay I understood. It is also a way to hide my feelings and not hurt the other person. Knowing about these theories has helped me know how to interact better with people and how to avoid conflict as much with other people.

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