Sexual intimacy and the place of families and friends in a relationship.

Many young people, especially those who are members of the church and in the dating phase, often feel afraid to discuss sexual intimacy. They may lack the knowledge on how to initiate such conversations or fear giving the wrong impression to their partner due to the cultural norms they have been raised in. I strongly believe that while this topic can be sensitive, it is crucial to find appropriate ways to address it. In my country, there is a cultural practice of pre-marital initiation where young couples are taught about various aspects of sex and how to satisfy their partners. Furthermore, our church provides resources such as bishops and manuals that can be utilized to learn about this subject. There should be no shame associated with discussing this sensitive topic; instead, it should be approached as an opportunity for both partners to enjoy and understand each other better. It is often the lack of information or the desire to learn about how to sexually satisfy their partners that leads individuals to turn to pornography. According to an article wrote by the Psych central on marriage “If things are good in the bedroom, other minor issues don’t seem as important.” Do you agree with this statement? That is a good statement we should ponder about and do some research. Another major problem that many couples often deal with is setting boundaries in their relationships. These boundaries are related to the roles families and best friends play in the couple's life. I have witnessed the negative impact of involving best friends in a relationship. One instance was when my nephew got married to his wife while I was in the Ivory Coast. They loved each other, but the only problem in their relationship was their lack of experience in marriage. Whenever they faced troubles, instead of opening up to each other, the wife sought help and guidance from her best friend, an elderly woman in the neighborhood. I don't blame her for seeking advice from someone with marital experience, but what she didn't realize was that this woman also shared their relationship details with her own best friends and so on. It saddened me that the intimacy and privacy of my nephew's relationship were known by so many people in the neighborhood. Furthermore, the wife began changing her behavior based on the advice given by her friends. Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce just one year later.

Reflecting on this experience, my nephew advised me to choose a partner who can keep personal matters private and always communicate with me directly during times of struggle. Today, I am married, and this is something I have discussed with my wife. She has a strong bond with her older sister and best friend she met on her mission, making it initially difficult for her to resist seeking comfort from them whenever we had an argument. However, we had a conversation and clarified the importance of establishing boundaries in our relationship. We recognized that in marriage, it is the two partners against the world. Consequently, we have set those boundaries and I am amazed by the growth we have achieved in discussing and resolving our issues internally, rather than relying on external sources. Marriage requires sacrifices, but it can be one of the most rewarding experiences when both partners love, respect each other, and are willing to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in their relationship. We just need to make sure that our friends and family are aware of our decision to keep things between us and our partners and that we are now committed to a new person who is our spouse. I believe in the verse of the song “Love at home”where it was mentioned : “ There is beauty all around when there is love at hime”.